So many ways to build a family by Kelley Barton

On Sunday we heard thoughts about Bio, Given or Chosen families. We also heard how Jesus valued his chosen family.

There are so many ways to build a family, and biologically is only one of them. There is adoption, foster parents, step parents and mentors.

As an Adoptive Mom myself, there were times that friends or acquaintances would ask me about my children’s “real Mom and Dad.” For those with bio kids, I hope you can imagine how that stung. Those in non bio families, I am guessing you can relate to how I felt.

I usually replied with “I am their real Mom but are you asking about their birth mom”? My hope was to train, one person at a time, to think about the terms they use. I am a real person and I am their Mom. A “real” Mom gets up in the middle of the night to soothe, helps with homework, sings and plays with their child. A biological connection is not required.

But I can understand how people who have not walked my path, don’t quite feel the nuanced difference. 

We chose to offer Open Adoption to our boy’s birth parents and their families. My husband and I believed that a child can never have too many people in their lives that love them. Having an Open Adoption for us meant reading stories to them as infants about adoption, including one I created with their own adoption story. We also sent photos often and scheduled in person visits with their birth families.

One of our boy’s birth grandparents had them for a sleep over when they were youngsters, telling us they loved both of them equally as well, not just our  son that was genetically connected to them. And one son’s birth mother asked if he could be the ringer bearer in her wedding, when he was 5 years old, as her fiancé wanted to totally embrace our family as well. An amazing bond, and wonderful memories, were created at that wedding.

When we had realized our infertility treatments had to end, and had turned our thoughts to adoption, we felt comforted by the belief that God would place kids in our family so that they could become who God created them to be, raised by us. As our sons became young adults, they occasionally expressed gratitude about being raised by us, and not their birth parents, because they were so content with what they had been exposed to and the possibilities that came along with being in our family. 

In the book I made for each of them, full of photos and telling their adoption story, I used this verse from Ephesians 1:5 (The Message)

Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!)

No matter what type of family you are connected to, you are there for a reason and I hope you feel purpose in how God has placed you there. And if you have not found a family to belong to, lets pray as a community that you soon do.