Coming Home to Our Selves

The moment a woman comes home to herself, the moment she knows that she has become a person of influence, an artist of her life, a sculptor of her universe, a person with rights and responsibilities who is respected and recognized, the resurrection of the world begins. - Sister Joan D. Chittister

Bravery doesn’t always look like putting your hand up first. It doesn’t always look like jumping quickly, boldly into the fray. Sometimes it means asking your questions - sharing your doubts.

In the book of Esther, we make it all the way to chapter 4 before the titular character says a word for herself. Up until this point in the story, Esther has been a pawn moved around the board by others - thoughtlessly by empire, with protective care by her uncle Mordecai. But now things have shifted. Her people as a whole are under threat, and Mordecai has called upon her to use her position as queen to go to the king and plead for mercy for them all, revealing herself as Jewish in the process.

Is it cowardice or lack of faith for Esther to say woah, woah, woah - to take a pause and ask some questions? Though the story is often presented that way, the concerns Esther shares with Mordecai - that if she goes to the king without being called, he might kill her - are logical. (Do you remember what happened to Vashti in ch. 1 when she crossed the king?) Esther isn’t saying no - she’s entering the conversation with her full self, including a fully functioning brain and some reasonable doubts. She’s using her voice for the first time in the story, and that isn’t cowardice - it’s courage. This is her true moment of transformation. This is the brave step that sets up her strong yes, her wholehearted willingness to take the lead, a few verses later.

v. 16 “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me… When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

Are there spaces where you are still coming home to yourself, as Sister Joan put it? Or - have you tended in the past to miss the bravery of somone bringing their alternative perspective into a conversation? Of someone raising their voice when the world has told them over and over to stay silent? Take a few minutes to mull over where God might want to speak to you through Esther’s story.

** Brenna will be posting reflections like this occasionally on her substack as well in preparation for a book writing project over her summer sabbatical in July & August. **